apa nak jadi dengan kau ni! hidup ini memang akan sentiasa penuh
dengan cabaran. kalau tak ada cabaran bukan kehidupan la pulak. kenapa kenapa kenapa
kau begitu lemah sehingga engkau diambang untuk memutuskan talian hidup engkau
sendiri. mana kewarasan kau? mana keberanian kau? mana keimanan kau? mana
kesetiaan kau? mana mana mana???? jawablah!
engkau malu kan kan kan. malu dengan diri sendiri... kalau 'aku'
nampak kau macam ni yakinlah bahawa dia akan menangis melihat engkau jadi
seorang yang betul betul tak berguna tak berbaloi untuk bergelar aku langsung!
mana pergi sikap care free kau? mana pergi sifat cool kau tu?? dah tak boleh
cool lagi dah? dah tak mampu nak buat muka tak tahu..dah tak bermaya untuk
tutup mata hati dan jalani hidup yang gila ni dengan niat yang satu kerana
Allah s.w.t...
EH...SIAPA KAU!!! nak buat sesuatu diluar takdir Allah s.w.t.
siapa kau nak ambil dan buang sesuatu dengan sesuka hati.. sedarlah diri sikit
kita ni meminjam jer..kita pinjam jer semua nikmat dan apa yang kita ada
sekarang ni dari DIA yang maha satu tau~ apa kau ingat bila kau tutup mata
semua masalah lari.. semua perasaan yang membelenggu kau pergi.. semua fikiran
kau mati?!
kau salah!! salah!! pernah kau fikir apa akan jadi kalau
kau pergi macam tu..macam mana dengan bonda tersayang? ya masa tu kau rasa tak
apa dia ada anak anak dia yang lain. kau yakin ke diorang bleh jaga bonda
seperti mana kau jaga? kau rasa bonda tak kan menangis saban hari kerana
terpaksa memandikan mayat anak bongsu dia? sepatutnya anak dia yang mandikan
dia..ini tidak,sebaliknya pulak... kau rasa dia mampu ke nak jalani hidup ni.
engkau dah menyebabkan bonda menangis... sudah sudah lah sakit kan hati dia
sudah sudah lah sedih kan hati dia.. engkau dah banyak berdosa.. sesungguhnya
anak yang menyebabkan ibuya menitiskan air mata kesedihan adalah sangat
derhaka!! engkau dah banyak menitiskan air mata ibu kau kan.. DAH LAH~
Apa kau ingat bila kau tutup mata semua masalah kau
selesai..tutup buku.. ~THE END~..
HAH~ selesai lah sangat....engkau sedar tak engkau bakal
menghancurkan hidup ramai orang, menyusahkan ramai orang yang engkau sayang..
engkau sebenarnya nak tamatkan hidup kau sebab tak nak menyusahkan orang lain
lagi dah..tapi kau sedar tak yang kau menyeksa mereka lagi sebenarnya....
kenapa kau jadi macam ni? kenapa...aku tahu kau ada masalah. tapi yakinlah
dengan ALLAH SWT...sesungguhnya dia akan sentiasa bersama kita.
Luah lah sepuas puasnya.. lepaskan beban dihati kau tu...let
everything go except your faith to GOD...
************************************* Imani 2015
Semua orang ada dark side and nice side.
aku panggil black and white hati aku.
atas tu adalah luahan hati white aku, selepas..........
YES..I am crazy. Masa tu...depression has taken over me.
Guess what?!
I am still breathing and definitely alive till
today.
What happen?
I lost it.. I just lost it.
I am all alone. No one knows who I really am that time. I really
am alone.
I have a lot of friends and a few close friends. But none of them
can accept "ME"...
"ME"= lesbian (whatever you call it)
It's hard to go through life that time. I can't talk to anyone. I
can't reach out. Masa tu rasa macam drowning and you just tired to try and stay
alive.
I feel like no one understand me..people are disgusted by me. I
feel disgusted by me. I can't even accept myself. self hatred is at the maximum
that time.
Then I decided to move on. God give me second chance. So, I
promise myself that I don't want to have anything to do with love or this kind
of feeling anymore. I just want to be normal. or rather just forget everything
Then.... I am so alone. Too alone.
Then I met Dayan. I just want to be friend. Because I know I will
end up hurting her one day if we became more than friend. I just cannot trust
my heart. I feel thorn between her and God.
But I stupid selfishly want her. I fall for her. She makes me feel
happy and she makes me feel something. That i never felt before.. She is very
comforting.
And yes.. I did not fail myself. I broke her heart. and
mine.
But.. I have to accept myself. I have to acknowledge myself. My
true nature.
I AM HEARTLESS
The guilt for dragging her into this painful journey is killing
me. The only thing that make me still held my head up is GOD. He knows what's
He is doing. All I need to do is redha.
I'm going to be sorry for the rest of my life.
But I am not sorry that I met you sayang even for a short time. I
have this beautiful memory to keep. Thank you for everything.
All things aside... I learn in a hard way that people stumble even
though they know what is right and what is wrong. Because people if just a
piece of perfect imperfect art. And people can move on because Heart is a piece
of meat that belongs to God with its nature of changing anytime with His will.
########sorry for my bad writing. I am just bad at it.
