Coming Out - Muslim - Typical Malaysian - Part 2

Sorry it took me a while to update the continuation of this..hehe

So, where were we...........................hmmm.

After I told my mother, I am still scared as hell. I started hated everything. The teenage hormone is making me crazy!! I keep feeling disgusted by myself. I tried so hard to reach out. I think it's actually trying to be accepted. I don't know what is what not anymore. I cried..a lot. I hate.. a lot. During the time I was in that school my grade have booooommm dropping down like crazy. I almost failed half of the subjects that i took. So..after a while i decided i want out. I cant stay there. I am scared. I LIKE GIRLS.....that time is like I JUST KILL A PERSON. Crazy...no one should feel this.

Before I transferred, I told one of my closest friend because I am a total mess. And she's been asking. and yeah..."IT'S WRONG"says her. What do you expect right. hahahaha... i kinda knew what she's gonna say. But it felt relief a bit. Like you don't have to hide. It felt good in one way..

So, I transferred back to my hometown and started studying at my old school. How I get through it..I seriously don't know. The first few years after that "awakening" is hard. Painful, sad, a lot of anger, mad at the world, self loathing and the list keeps going. As you grew, you started to think better. Making a better judgment and you learn to accept. It took me few years though. LOL... well i am a bit slow... but I get through and I am proud for that.

It still there, I still cried over it sometime before sleep. But the anger has lessen and I learn to embrace this side of me that no one can know,that there is no hope in it and so, I have chosen my path. I think I started to move forward and totally accept me for me..and God loves us all no matter what other people say. The acceptance process happened is when I went to Umrah I believe. Yeah...it hit me hard...i cried a lot!! hahahahahaha... I started accepting who I am. I will always like what I like, I will always love what I love and I am a Muslim. What you do with your feeling determine your path. As I have chosen to Just try to be better muslim and better person everyday is enough. God knows.

Embracing is not as easy as saying it...it required times to make your heart ready. It required Iman even just tiny bit of it. Just hold on..cried when it gets hard, laugh it off when it hurts, sleep when it gets tiring. 


Peace :)
try to come out to someone is not easy. try it...but be sure that person won't kill you, That is dangerous. Don't.

Come out to us stranger can be easier...at least it'll make you feel better. Believe me.. it really does.