Time never on our side.
we move forward...unnoticed.
life is like the wind,seem very effortless..
but it last....as long as we still have the memory.
I still remember my 1st time coming out....
which is shocking!!...haha to think that i have the guts to tell someone that is.
I realize about me liking a girl not in the same way as my friends is when i was 16.
and it scares the hell out of me... just for the record.. i was raised in a very decent family.
not super religious but yeah.. my mother really care about us being a good muslim.
So, when i realize that i actually like girls.. i am so scared. why?
This is wrong.. God going to hate me.. I pray that please god do not make me gay.
I was balling my eyes...
When I was 16 i was in the state of denial and you know unstable emotion of teenager.. rebelling and all.. so i dont really know what to do.
I am totally at lost, i am scared, i never felt so lonely in mylife then that time... i felt very guilty as if i have done the biggest sin ever. then again i was thinking what is my sin? what did i do to deserve this? am i a bad kid? why am i such a weirdo.. why why why....endless why. i want answers so badly.
As i am at the edge of breaking... i think this is when i started to have depression. I try to reach out before i fall in the darkness completely. During that time I was in a something like boarding school. So i give a call to my mother and yep.. i told her. She of cause freak out. Telling me that it is wrong.. this the satan way of playing with your feeling. heh.... (how i wish that my mother would tell me something else that time..huhu i was crying so hard...)
To be continue>>>> ^__^
Friday, 8 May 2015
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